Do Not Disturb: The Sexiest Hotels In The UK

A seductive hotel stay is rarely just about what happens between the sheets, says Olivia Petter. These are the sexy British hotels we’ll be booking into this year.

The Scoop On Sexy British Hotels

The definition of ‘sexy’ is different for everyone. For some people, it’s about lingerie, candles, a thrumming bassline, and other clichés. For others, it’s about the little things. Like drinking cups of coffee in bed, getting lost on a countryside walk, and spending hours talking about nothing in particular in front of a cosy fireplace.

The latter is what we had in mind when thinking about the UK’s sexiest hotels, a category that could easily be synonymous with some of the empty pomp and pageantry the hospitality sector has wrongly identified as sexy. But complimentary condoms, saucy artwork, and a perpetual Marvin Gaye soundtrack will only get you so far. Trust me. Besides, the things that make a hotel sexy often have very little to do with sex at all.

Nothing says sexy more than a four-poster at The Witchery

Consider The Witchery in Edinburgh, a fine dining restaurant nestled in the city’s old town with nine suites housed across two 16th-century buildings. Everything about the place is sexy, from the dark wood panels and church candlesticks that line it to the opulent idiosyncrasies that populate each of the rooms: antique four-poster beds, walls hung with tapestry, and a complimentary bottle of champagne ready and waiting for all guests who book directly. It’s a gothic paradise oozing with sensual charm; we recommend staying in The Armoury, where you’ll find a completely separate breakfast room complete with a four-way armchair as well as bits of Medieval military paraphernalia – helmets and jackets – that add a certain historical spice to the whole experience.

Plus, you’re only a short stroll away from Arthur’s Seat, a famously romantic route thanks to David Nicholls’ beloved bestseller One Day. The only thing the hotel is missing is a spa – for this, head to the nearby W Edinburgh where couples can rent out the private Elements suite, which is fitted with its own sauna, jacuzzi and experiential shower.

Private suites at the AWAYSpa, W Edinburgh

Speaking of saunas, The Gilpin Hotel & Lake House in the Lake District offers guests the chance to stay in private spa lodges that come complete with private saunas and hot tubs, which are perfect for those late-night conversations best had while sunken in bubbles and sipping on a glass of Sancerre.

The Gilpin has private spa treatment lodges

For foodies who get their kicks from fine dining – you know, the kind who practically orgasm over an oyster – head to Le Manoir Aux Quat’Saisons, A Belmond Hotel, in Oxfordshire, Raymond Blanc OBE’s surprisingly low-key establishment. Set amid stunning grounds, where much of the produce served is grown, the hotel is ideal for those looking to seduce by way of satiation. Perhaps start your trip with the hotel’s signature hamper, which comes with a decadent cheese board, finger sandwiches, chocolate-covered strawberries, and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot vintage Rosé to wash it all down. Then take a nap so you’re rejuvenated for a seven-course tasting menu at dinner that includes a truffle risotto I’m convinced is better than sex.

The Newt in Somerset is another understated culinary paradise where almost everything is produced on-site, including the lip-smackingly delicious Sutton Brue, a halloumi-style cheese made with milk from the hotel’s own herd of water buffalo. For privacy, I suggest staying at The Farmyard, a more tranquil space with its own restaurant and swimming pool that is just a short golf buggy ride from the main hotel. While there, you can enjoy complimentary drinks over a game of chess inside the cosy Garner Bar. There are also fireplaces in every room, ideal for dozing off in front of, and jaw-dropping grounds featuring acres of farmland, woodland, orchards, and even some native deer. For a spicy sexy thrill, we suggest going for a cold dip in the lake. Nothing will enliven your senses quite like it.

The Newt has acres of grounds to explore

Those looking for a sumptuous manor house near London that is dripping with decadence should venture to Beaverbrook, which has all the traditional trimmings of a rural estate with the added bonus of a capacious spa. Kitted with heated pools, a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, and day beds you could sink into for hours, it’s the best place to unwind from the bustle of city life, bringing you back to the present moment. What could be sexier than that?

Perhaps the seaside, which brings us to a final contender: a coastal gem nestled in a quiet part of Cornwall, The Scarlet Hotel. Complete with cliff-top hot tubs, a natural outdoor pool, and sea views all around, it’s an eco-friendly oasis, particularly because it’s adults only. Listening to the crashing waves instantly calms the nervous system, paving the way for a deeply relaxing and intimate environment – and the baths are big enough for two. Wink wink.