I Took A Modern Etiquette Class, & This Is What I Learnt

It was a pleasure meeting Myka Meier. I can say this now, because the pleasure has been had. However, had I said it upon introduction: ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Myka!’ it would have been an etiquette faux pas. This is one of the many small things I learnt at Myka’s ‘The Art Of Showing Up’ etiquette course in London this weekend. You may have read this and thought, ‘ok, but does it matter?’ and while I may have been inclined to agree with you last week, now I’d say that yes, it does, actually. 

Myka is an American entrepreneur and author, on her Instagram account she describes her work to her 650K+ following as ‘Etiquette, but make it fun!’. When I received an invitation to Myka’s event, her first in London, my first thought was ‘isn’t etiquette a bit out-dated?’. I was keen to address this with her when we sat down together before the course started. But since opening with a challenge seemed like poor manners, once our polite greeting handshake was out the way, (“read the room, and let the most VIP person present dictate the greeting, handshake, kiss, wave”), we began with how Myka started out. 

“I was living in London in 2009, working for a communications company with American businesses going global for the first time, Amazon, J.Crew, Victoria’s Secret,” she told me. “My job was to introduce them to journalists, bring them to nice dinners and my clients were saying, ‘well what do we do? We’re going to this formal event where everything’s backwards or upside down and what do we do?’. I myself was insecure, I didn’t grow up with this either. So I took my first etiquette class in London. 

“I really just thought it was going to be about forks and knives and when I left, I could not believe what I learnt. And it was about intelligence more than anything. [My etiquette teacher] was like a rock star to me, and she made me feel like 10 million dollars.’

So, what did she learn, if it wasn’t which order to use her knives and forks in? It was a lesson in confidence. How to hold her posture as she entered a room, how to descend a staircase, holding eye contact, chin up, ‘you’re a star’. It was a revelation to Myka and she started saving money from her paychecks for her next class, the next course. She trained under a member of the royal household and finished her training at a Swiss finishing school. 

While hosting American friends and clients in London she shared her learnings and following a comment from one client (Stella & Dot Founder and CEO Jessica Herrin) on why she had to fly 6000 miles to hear Meier’s gems of advice around the dinner table, Myka decided she needed to bring her knowledge back to America. Beaumont Etiquette was born, The Plaza Hotel Finishing Program followed, all in the height of royal fever as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (the Duke and Duchess of Sussex) went stateside. What better time to monetise manners, with the perfect example of an American princess to exemplify where good etiquette may lead you?

I Did The Duchess Slant

Speaking of the Duchess, before meeting Myka, a quick Google search revealed that she’s known for coining the term ‘the Duchess slant’, to describe how members of the royal household such as Kate Middleton, Catherine the Princess of Wales, sit in public appearances. The pose is simple; when seated on a chair or sofa you keep your legs together from knee to ankle and tuck your ankles back toward the seat at an angle. When I took my seat next to Myka on a plush green velvet sofa I got into position, notebook on lap, legs tucked neatly underneath me. It wasn’t until she brought up Princess Diana that I realised I may be doing it wrong. 

“One of my first trainers trained Princess Diana, she was a member of The Queen’s [Elizabeth II] household staff,” Myka tells me. “She was telling me ‘this is what I taught Diana, Diana did this’. Growing up as an American I was like wait, I can learn the same thing as Princess Diana learned? How amazing. I launched my biggest and most popular class in America ‘The Duchess Effect’.” 

Duchess’ don’t cross their legs at the ankle, I remembered. Or do they? I spent the remainder of our conversation slowly crossing and uncrossing them. But modern manners can’t be all about sitting like Kate and Meghan. Especially in a world where gender roles are more expansive than the confines of Disney princes and princesses. And though she’d told me that talking about politics is ill-advised, I asked Myka how the evolution of gender roles is impacting on modern manners.

Is ‘Ladies First’ Still Good Manners?

“Future etiquette is genderless,” Myka told me. “We don’t say ‘ladies first’ because we can’t assume the person wants to be referred to as a lady. Etiquette is thinking about other people, it’s about kindness and respect.” 

By the time I’d finished my conversation with Myka, the ballroom was slowly filling with women (there were one or two men in the audience but I would bet a large sum that all the paid-for tickets were purchased by women – so not so genderless afterall) picking up champagne flutes and waiting to hear from the etiquette coach. While I’m usually something of a wallflower at big events, I felt empowered by my talk with Myka and struck up conversation with some fellow attendees, meeting an American lady living in London who had been a long-time subscriber to Meier’s work, and a Mayfair resident who loved Meier’s modern approach to good manners. 

I am briefly reminded of a recent BBC Radio 4 programme I listened to about how social media gurus are the new modern day cult leaders and for a few moments I panic that I’ll be ushered into a side room to buy an expensive course on my credit card before being allowed to leave. But after the 90-minute presentation and panel discussion (featuring some helpful and not-so-helpful-but-somewhat-entertaining advice from experts Cem Savas, Misse Beqiri and Mark Francis Vandelli), there is mingling, more champagne and the chance for guests to snap a picture with Myka and buy a book before departing. ‘I loved it!’ one of my new friends told me as she headed toward the book stand at the back of the hall. And I realised that, surprisingly, so did I. 

What Is Modern Etiquette?

So, what did I actually learn? While the course content was basic (hold things in your left hand so you can shake with your right, wear polished shoes, how to enter a room with confidence, the correct email sign-off to use when), Myka’s charisma – which she assured us is teachable – ensured the whole thing felt like a warm confidence boost and a reminder of the benefit of making people feel more comfortable with small acts of kindness. As someone who travels a lot for work and spends a lot of time feeling out of my depth in social settings, I can definitely see the benefit of building a foundation of social skills and rules to fall back on that can help you feel like you belong when moving in worlds where you’re a fish out of water. 

‘Ladies first’ might be over, but before you write off the need for etiquette in a modern world, check out this lady’s work, first.